Begravning | Funeral.

Nu har jag sagt farväl till min pappa, även om det känns som om jag aldrig kommer att kunna säga farväl tillräkligt. Men en begravning hjälper en människa att komma längre i sorgeprocessen. Innan begravningen kände jag mig vilsen och levde i en overklig värld, jag kunde inte förstå vad som hade hänt. Nu, när jag stod vid kistan, förstod jag att han verkligen är borta, att hans kropp var inuti och aldrig skulle vakna mer och gå igen. Nu var verkligen tiden att gråta ur mig allt jag hade. Jag tog tusen farväl och kände att nu kan jag inte göra mer. Min pappas begravning var det vackraste jag sett och det mest sorgsna jag upplevt. Jag är så glad över alla som kom och ville ta ett sista farväl. Hans vänner, kollegor, familj, nya generationer och nya familjer. Människor var samlade och det var ok att gråta. Alla delade tillsammans samma sorg. Vi pratade om hur fantastisk människa min pappa var och om de stora sakerna som han uträttade. Min pappa skulle vara så tacksam och nöjd över allt! Jag känner det. Den hårdaste delen är över, nu skall jag försiktigt försöka dra i livets trådar. Men det kommer att ta ett tag innan jag kan släppa känslan av att stå framför kistan och att aldrig vilja gå därifrån.


Now I've said my goodbye to my father, even if it feels like I'll never say goodbye enough. But a funeral helps the human to go further in the process to mourn. Before the funeral I felt so lost and lived in a surreal world, I couldn't understand what had happen. Now, when I stood by the coffin, I understood that he's really gone, that he's body were inside and will never wake up and walk again. Now was the time to cry out all what I felt. I took thousand of goodbyes and felt that I couldn't do more. My fathers funeral was the most beautiful thing I've seen and the most sad thing I've ever experienced. I'm so happy of all the people that came and wanted to say the very last goodbye. His friends, colleges, family, new generations and new families. People was gathered and it was ok to cry. All people together was sharing the same mourn. We all talked about the great person my father was and about the big things he performed.
My father would have been so thankful and satisfied over everything! I can feel it. The hardest part is over, now I'll try to pulling the threads of my life carefully. But it will take a while until I'll release the feeling of standing by the coffin and never want to leave.

Programmet jag gjorde för begravningen.
The program I made for the funeral ceremony.

Mormor Brita.
Grandma Brita.

Maria och hennes fästman Micke.
Maria and her fiancé Micke.

Sture och Christian i ljus.
Sture and Christian in light.

Bordet där vi efteråt åt tillsammans och hyllade pappa.
The table where we afterwards ate together and honoured my father.

Nu försöker jag se allt fint runtomkring mig och glädjas av det som är mig kärt.
Now I try to see everything beautiful around me and be happy over the things and people I love.

Hands of time.

Time is passing by. Changes the world everyday, leaves dust in the corners. Time makes cells in the body die and replace it with new, changes me and you everyday. I will do something I've never done before. I will lay myself in the hands of time. Now can things only get better.

My new found friend.

Sometimes the time stops for a moment.

Vila i frid pappa.

Nu är du borta och jag saknar dig så pappa. Jag vet att du vakar över mig och finns runt omkring mig helatiden, och att du alltid kommer att göra det. Jag kan känna det. Jag hoppas att där du är nu, känner du ingen smärta längre. Bara frid. Att du får träffa alla du har saknat. Det gör så ont att jag aldrig får höra din röst mer, att aldrig mer få prata med dig. Tack för alla fina samtal vi har haft. Även om du inte är här och upplever vad som kommer att hända i mitt liv, vad det blir av mig, så vet jag att du kommer att kunna se mig och vara stolt. Jag skall kämpa med dig vid min sida och göra mitt liv rikt och jag skall vara stark. Tills vi ses igen. Älskar dig pappa.

Rest in peace dad.

Now you're gone and I miss you so dad. I know that you're watching over me and are around me all time, and that you always will. I can feel it. I hope that you don't feel pain anymore where you are now. Only peace. And that you will meet everyone you've missed. It hurts so that I will never hear your voice again, to never be able to talk to you. Thank you for all the great conversations we had. Even if you're not here and experience what will happen in my life, how things turns out for me, I know that you will see me and feel proud. I will fight with you by my side and make my life rich and I will be strong. Until we meet again. Love you dad.



Familjen samlad.
The family gathered.


Pappa med sin tvillingbror Håkan och med Bent.
Dad with his brother Håkan and with Bent.


Detta är mitt hopp om vad du ser där du är nu.
This is my hope of what you see where you are now.

Christmas eve.

This christmas eve was wonderful. So cosy and full of light. I celebrated it with my mom and siblings at my sister Lindhas, Christians and Stures beautiful place. It's out on an island outside Gothenburg. We ate, drinked, calibrated and opened presents. Later we had to go by boat back to Gothenburg, when the ferries already stopped going. A perfect ending of a cosy evening. But unfortionately beeing out in the cold made me sick again.. But it was worth it, a very cheerful christmas.

Sture twinkle eyes.

The christmas table, place for many people.

Sture twinkle eyes II.

Susi in the christmas tree.

Beautiful christmas tree.

Grab a star.

This little girl called Barbie were on visit with her friend Batman.

Under the christmas sky.

Voice gone.

As I can remember I've only lost my voice one time before in my life. This is one thing I really hate. My sickness doesn't get better, the other way around, it only gets worse. When I loose my voice I feel like a prisoner in myself. I can't speak, laugh or the most important thing.. I can't sing. I can't go out in the cold and I have to watch the world through my window, thinking and hoping my voice comes back soon.

Sound of winter.

It's crispy outside. It sounds so beautiful when my bike is driving through the snow.. I love it. I have to drive slowly otherways I can fall to the ground. Forget about the cold. My legs are aching and my nose and cheeks become red. It's just the quietness that talks to me.. The snow isolates the world around, and the only thing you can hear is the squiking, cracking, crounching and crispy sound the bike and snow makes together.

Wintersleep.

Icey eye.

Sofia - Queen of winter.

Sickness/Good start.

I've become sick. I've found out that I always get sick every time I come to Berlin or go back to Sweden. Must be the bus, a great opportunity for bacillas and viruses to swirl in the air until they find another body to mess up. Must be that. But good things can come with this. When I'm sick I always get so creative and find everything cosy. Time for myself. After this one, I think a good start will come.

My hysterical, girly peppercake castle that I made today. Look at the little balconies. I don't believe in less is more. And I just burned my finger once.

Sofias dogs are my favourite dogs. Diva and Tara. And of course Gibson and Oliwer too. I hope Oliwer is still alive. Because of the family situation, we had to give him away.. God I miss him so. Thinking that I will never see him again, makes me so sad. I think about him often, always will.

I make these flower brosches in different fabrics. Cute huh? :) I sell them f0r 50 kr (5 £) each! You can also buy them at Sofias Byrå

Slippery outside.

Yesterday I was at my nephew's baptiste/birthday party. I played a song to him with him at my side and he was totally still while I sang. Great to see the family again and so crazy to see a little kid growing so fast. Where does time go?
I just came from outside and now it's winter for real, when you breath in the cold frosty air and your chest get's stunned for a while. Welcome slippery, glittering, beautiful, freaking cold winter.

The party dude Sture.

Too many things.

On the way out to Donsö.

I spy birds.

Home again.

After a time in Berlin it was time for me to go back to old SWE again. I'm so happy over the time I had in Berlin this time. But now it's time for me to start all these stuff I have to do.. But first some good sleep. Traveled far through the whole night.

Tired Susi.

Sometime in the morning somewhere.

At track 3 looking at track 2.

What do you see?

Berlin house under construction.

Janek in action! At Equalizer's great release concert.

Finally the train goes towards home.

Hearts in Berlin.

Right now I'm back in Berlin for a little trip. I'm so happy to be here and meet everyone that means a lot to me again, and I'm filling up my inspiration source. I've already been playing violin at my dear friend Madeleine Bloom's release consert, lovely experimental music, check her out! I'm spending time here with the most beautiful Janek <3. My heart is beating. I'm blushing, I feel creative and I'm smiling.

Fragile/Strong

I love to capture windows, but I also love to capture stairs, but not to walk up.

Astrobar

Lights and pain.

My arm is hurting like hell and my body is restless and is cramping. I took the shot yesterday and thought my body were strong to stand the side effects but I was wrong. But somehow this pain is kind of cosy, it lets me tuck in myself and to take care of myself a bit. No feeling of beeing creative. Today me and my mom fixed a little advent feeling in the flat and now the christmas is highly welcome. Tired eyes looking into all the fuzzy lights.

Moving soundlessly.

Yesterday I made many of these cute christmas cones. They will be at the store Sofias Byrå.

Towards the tree alley.

Not yet winter.